Conviction
by kaitou-marron
Summary: Nezumi contemplates his failures and the strength of Shion's pure spirit. This is just another take on the end of episode 10, and thus spoilers for said episode exist.


**Conviction**

**Notes:** This fic is for Analine, whose encouragement kept me going… when all I wanted to do was give up. I hope everyone enjoys my first attempt to explore the No. 6 universe. =)

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><p>"Stop it! Shion!" Nezumi cries, in a desperate attempt to reach the other boy.<p>

Shion, the person who taught Nezumi the value of kindness, stands over an already bloodied and broken guard with a gun gripped steadily in his hand. To Nezumi's dismay, his plea falls on deaf ears, as Shion barely hesitates before pulling the trigger. Although Nezumi has been amidst gunfire many times before, the fact that he is forced to witness Shion execute another human being is one of the cruelest ironies imaginable. The sound of a single bullet echoing eerily through the room and the sight of Shion covered in someone else's blood breaks Nezumi's heart. He literally feels as if his insides are shattering, like crystal thrown against pavement, and the sorrow that fills him momentarily distracts him from his own physical pain.

'_I've failed him,'_ Nezumi can't help but think, silently hanging his head in shame. As a blood-stained Shion walks towards him, Nezumi's tears flow freely, the moisture coursing down the planes of his cheeks and landing below on his hands. Nezumi's disappointment in himself only causes his tears to fall more quickly.

Since Nezumi has always prided himself on being a realist, his initial reaction surprises him. Despite being aware of the inherent dangers associated with infiltrating the correctional facility, Nezumi hoped Shion would be able to escape the ordeal without having to dirty his hands. Memories of Shion flash through Nezumi's mind: of the other boy tending to his wounds, of the other boy washing dogs, and of the other boy preparing meals. Those recollections convince Nezumi that Shion's hands are meant for gentler purposes than killing. So Nezumi focuses on Shion's soul, the one that he has grown so fond of. Shion is sweet and a bit naïve; Shion has the ability to see gray in a world that Nezumi insists is black and white.

Even while attempting to concentrate on his past with Shion, Nezumi can't keep his mind from wandering and replaying the horrific scene of Shion pulling the trigger. Recalling the uncharacteristically cold and unforgiving look on Shion's face causes anxiety to ripple through Nezumi.

Shion isn't the type to lose himself in notions of revenge, and he certainly isn't the type to murder an injured man begging for his life. However, against all odds, the improbable has become reality. Irrationally, Nezumi attempts to bargain with a God he doesn't believe in. _'Please, I'll do anything to be able to change the past. I'd rather shoulder the burden of killing a hundred people than have Shion's hands be soiled by the blood of taking even one life.'_

Nezumi can't help but feel responsible for failing to protect Shion's innocence. '_If only I had been quicker, more resourceful, and more prepared…'_ he laments, guilt washing over him.

Kneeling down, Shion catches Nezumi's eyes with his own and gently assures Nezumi that he is not at fault. Nezumi finds no solace in the obvious lie.

No longer in immediate danger, Nezumi finds himself fretting about Shion's gentle nature. He worries that taking a life will cause the other boy eternal anguish. On their ride to the correctional facility, Nezumi was sincere when expressing his desire that Shion remain the same. Would his words have no affect on Shion? Or would Shion be able to accept having killed without letting the experience change his soul?

Again, Nezumi internalizes the situation, blaming himself for not being strong enough to protect what is precious to him. _'Have I stolen your ability to see the good in humanity?'_ is a question Nezumi knows will haunt him for years to come.

Although Shion's positive outlook on life could be irritating, Nezumi finds charm in the fact that other boy's perception of reality directly contrasts his own bleak views. Shion has the special ability to find good in others, while Nezumi believes that humanity, except for Shion, is not worth redeeming. So, Nezumi knows that he will spend the rest of his life blaming and hating himself if Shion's psyche cannot recover from having taken a life.

As Shion finishes dressing Nezumi's wounds, all Nezumi can think about is his desire to pull Shion close and to beg Shion for reassurance that he has not been robbed of his pure spirit by Nezumi's carelessness. However, when the elevator door yawns open in front of them, Nezumi mentally prepares himself to stand on wounded legs.

Shion rushes to help Nezumi to his feet, and Nezumi is shocked to find that he is content with only the reassurance of Shion's smile and the warmth of Shion's support. These small gestures of kindness speak volumes to Nezumi, who reasons, '_Shion has to be the same Shion I've always known, because there's no other reality that I will accept or will allow him to accept.'_

Due to the multiple near-death experiences Nezumi faced as a child, he has reflexively linked the concept of purity to that of fragility. The realization leaves him stunned, and his thoughts once again focus on Shion. Even after adapting to life in the West Block, something about Shion's core remained unscathed and untouched by cynicism.

Nezumi laughs inwardly, concluding that if Shion has taught him to have faith in another human being, then Shion's caring nature is anything but fragile. Nezumi now knows that Shion's kind spirit also has resilience, and thus cannot be easily shaken or destroyed. The fact that Nezumi finds himself filled with optimism about the purity of Shion's soul, even in light of their gruesome experiences while inside the correctional facility, only strengthens Nezumi's conviction of Shion remaining the same person that he has always known.

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><p><strong>Author's notes: <strong>So, Nezumi turned out surprisingly positive. =p Again, I hope you all enjoyed. Thoughts, comments, and con-crit are always welcome. =)


End file.
